Healing Youth with Ancient Chinese Wisdom – Part 2

First, we want to find out the core issue just like in healing, we need to find out the root of the problem. The core issue is our confused mind: we don’t know who we are, what we want, how we want our lives to be, and which path might lead us to where we want to be. This is part of the growing process.

Without life experiences, it is difficult to know our direction. What if we started to experience it at a younger age? What if we sent our kids to a place that required work, a less comfortable living situation and learned something never exposed to them before?

What if we put younger generation in a situation they must figure out by themselves (not dangerous situation)? By experiencing life, they may be more appreciative of life and see things from a wider angle. And they may know sooner who they are and what they may drawn to.

If we don’t have the opportunity to gain more experience in life, we can still find ways to deal with it without chaos. We can guide them to start to look into inward practice, which includes the wisdom to not allow chaos to control our lives, to be who we are, and do what we are passionate about.

Peer pressure is the pressure from others.

We allow others to control our lives and behaviors; we want to dress like others, do our hair like others, and we don’t want others to laugh at us. My question is: why do we allow others to control our lives? Do we have an identity? Do we have a character? Do we know who we are? If we ask these questions and able to answer, we may feel differently: I don’t want others to control my life; I like myself and I have my own special character, I am smart, and I know what I want and what I don’t want.

If someone laughs at me, I know they have a problem, I have no problem, they can laugh as much as they want. No matter how much they laugh, I am still a good person, a smart person, I have my strengths and I no longer allow you to get on my case, or to determine who I am.

By affirming these things, we feel good and strong about ourselves. We can practice ways to ignore those who have a distorted mind.

Lack of self-acceptance and lack of self-esteem this may be from how the child grew up.

Not everyone grows up with a supportive/positive family, but humans have a huge potential to make changes. I did not grow up in a supportive/positive family because at that time China was a chaotic country.

But I knew my parents did the best they could, and I had no complaints. Even though I was angry sometimes, I knew I had to deal with it day by day. If other kids wanted to start a fight, I fought back not because I wanted to win, but because I wanted justice.

Everyone is born with special gifts or abilities; everyone owns different gifts and abilities. It is not about which is better or who is better. It is important if you know your gift/abilities and use your gift/abilities.

For example, some have musical talent, some have technical talent, others have artistic talent, some have good computer skills, and some are book smart or math smart, others have some hands-on ability. All these are so precious and beneficial.

If we let these be buried, not discovered or not used, we waste all that talent and ability. No matter who we are, what we are interested in, we each have special gifts. We have to accept who we are and use our gifts to produce results. The results can be anything good that you produce, and anything you really enjoy doing.

Everyone has weakness too, and it is not about who is good or who is bad. To know the weakness in ourselves is the beginning place for us to improve. If you know you have fear, then ask yourself “What I am afraid of”? If you can say to yourself “I am not going to hold my fear anymore no matter what”, you are on the way to achievement.

Feeling insecure, seems such a waste of time.

No one knows where life may take us, but as long as we try to do the best we can, we will always get somewhere. We learn from failure and cherish our success. The is no need to spin around and doubt ourselves in our thoughts.

No clear communication within themselves and with others, is from our confused mind or over-used mind.

If we can slow down and breathe, put the phone down for a day and not touch it, go out to experience something you never experienced before. See what happens. We may feel calmer, we may know ourselves better, we may feel strength. We will definitely feel good.
Communicate with other, as long as we are honest, kind and gentle, nothing wrong to express ourselves.

Social media bully is a big problem in our cyber world.

I always believe moral education should be taught in school, but it is out of my control. Therefore, we need to teach young people to use effective ways to defend from social media bullies.

The negative impact in school is inevitable and it affects many. To defeat this, we need to use positive words, the words with messages of love, strength, guidance, and distinguish between the Yin and the Yang: right or wrong, kindness verses meanness, and strength and weakness.

For example, if someone says “You are an ugly girl (or guy)”, You can fight back with “No matter what you say, I always feel pretty”. “I don’t see you are an ugly person no matter how many ugly words you say or put in social media”.

By doing so, you can feel your own strength, power, and kindness.

Physical bully can hurt your self-confidence.

To deal with this, you can use firm words ask the person to stop and make sure to report to school officials. If school knows you are bullied, next time when there is conflict (fighting to defend yourself) between you and the person, you are in better position. I do recommend younger people look into martial class, not to show off or fight, but good practice to gain self-esteem and learn self-defense techniques.

Afraid of having no friends that is totally wasting your energy.

The more you carry the fear, the less you make friends. You have nothing to lose when you try to talk to people or want to make friends. You just talk to someone you like and have some conversation with the person, to find out if it is the right person for you to hang out with.

Nothing can go wrong if you say hi to anyone. Not everyone has same kind of energy you have, but by talking and feeling, you know who can be a good friend and who may not be right for you. If the energy is not right, there is no need to be friends because it won’t last.

Don’t be afraid of being “minority” (small group friends, or just few friends). In many cases the “minority” are the special and with special skills and talents.

In any situation, all of us need to respect each other. The more we respect, the less we get bullied. We set an example for others to learn respect, and we gain strength from respect.

I do recommend younger people start to learn Tai Chi because it can help them to grow at a steady pace.

Please share this article with young people and help them to avoid internal chaos.

2018-08-20T14:55:58+00:00

About the Author:

Dr. Aihan Kuhn
Aihan Kuhn, C.M.D., is a Chinese medical doctor trained in both Western and Traditional Chinese Medicine. She is a graduate of the Hunan Medical University, Changsha China. In China, Dr. Kuhn practiced OB/GYN in Chinese hospitals (1983-1988), studied Tai Chi and Chi Kung (since 1978) and returns each year to advance her training in both Traditional Chinese Medicine and martial arts. She can be contacted via this Quick Form